


Opportunistic Woes

by SStickperson



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Cuddling, Feeding, Foot Massage, M/M, Pampering, Soggy Suits, Stuck in the Rain, Tony is Spoiled Rotten, Torrential Downpours, Warming Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-04
Updated: 2013-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-17 15:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/869003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SStickperson/pseuds/SStickperson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony hates being caught in the rain--in torrential downpours. Thankfully, Thor knows how to pamper a lover, and Tony's more than willing to soak in the attention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Opportunistic Woes

Tony liked a lot of things. He liked engineering. He liked the Avengers. He liked his fans. He liked escaping his fans to his penthouse. He also liked escaping them to his Malibu house because the weather there was beautiful. He also liked beautiful weather, sunny or rainy, because rainy meant lying around in his massive bed with Thor and listening to the rainfall while he woke Thor up with warm kisses and a blowjob and everything was wonderful.

He did _not,_ however, enjoy being _caught_ in the rain. No, actually, he enjoyed gentle drizzles and light showers. He did _not_ enjoy torrential downpours that ruined his suit and soaked all the way through his shoes and the feel of the rainwater sliding against his arc reactor and plastering his shirt there. He didn’t like that the umbrella did nothing, and he did not like that he could feel the cold seeping in and the rain beating him in the face like the faceless woman from the old Tom and Jerry with the broom.

He did _not_ enjoy feeling as if he had gained a hundred pounds, pushing through the crowds of New York to get to the Tower, and he did _not_ enjoy just how cold it was in the Tower. He swore well enough to make a sailor blush as he jammed the button for his floor a million times in the elevator. His teeth were chattering, and he could feel the goose bumps under the heavy suit. He cursed everyone and their mothers as he rode up, stripping from his suit jacket and letting it hit the floor with a heavy “splat.” He pulled off his tie, unbuttoned his shirt, and swore again for good measure, reciting the override codes to JARVIS to make sure there was nothing between him and the penthouse.

He was almost pleased to hear there was a hot bath waiting for him. Almost, but not quite, because as he shucked off his shirt he shivered and rubbed his arms briskly.

“I love you, JARVIS,” he said, his teeth stopping their chattering as the elevator grew warmer.

“I know, sir,” came the response, and Tony’s hands flew to his belt, undoing it quickly and pulling his pants, shoes, and socks off.

The elevator door pinged open, and like a shot, Tony flew from it, clothes forgotten, into the bedroom and into the bathroom. He stripped from his boxers and stepped into the water, hissing at how painful it was between his chilled skin and the heat of the water. But that didn’t stop him from climbing in, grunting in pain as his ass hit the bottom, and he slid down, ignoring the tightening in his gut as the water closed over the reactor as he let it slide up to the bottom of his face. The water fucking burned, but it was still better than the freezing cold of the rain.

After minute or two, he slid back up, finding himself exhaling as the water slid down beyond his reactor. He couldn’t help it. He didn’t like the thought of water interacting with the reactor. It was the only bit of PTSD from Afghanistan aside from nightmares he carried with him (which is why he usually preferred showers, because less water soaking into his reactor). With a soft groan of approval as he felt his body heat get back to normal, he tilted his head back, enjoying the warm water lapping just below his reactor. He jumped when he heard a chuckle from the doorway.

“Be still, beloved. I did not mean to frighten you.”

“Christ, Thor,” Tony grumbled as the man came and sat on the other side of the tub. He noticed the sweatpants, the shirtless chest (and wasn’t _that_ always a good surprise), and the wet hair. “You either went hand-to-hand with Steve for a few hours and showered, or decided that a flight through the floodgates was fun.”

Thor laughed warmly, and Tony’s lips involuntarily quirked up fondly. “The captain and I were sparring, yes--”

“I’d offer to share the tub, but you’ll steal the heat, and I can’t afford that. Not right now. I think we’ll be receiving a call from the Arctic Ocean soon enough. It wants its ice back.”

Thor snorted, resting his arms on the edge of the tub and resting his chin on one, the other trailing fingertips to create ripples. Tony promptly swatted them away.

“I told you. This is _my_ heat. And then I’ll steal _your_ heat later. Because once I’m done thawing out, I’d really love nothing more than--”

He made a muffled noise, his eyes sliding shut as he felt Thor lips over his. It was a short kiss, but he made a protesting noise anyway when his lover pulled back, despite Thor’s chuckle.

“Do not worry, Tony. When you are done I will wrap you in a towel and carry you to the bed, and you shall not leave my embrace until morning.” There was a pause. “Until Steve and Bruce finish dinner, which I shall bring up to you.”

“That’s really touching, Hammerhead, but I’d rather skip a meal tonight than have you get up after you’ve finished heating the sheets up.”

To anyone else, the name “Hammerhead” might have been offensive, but during the “catch-up” courses he gave to Steve and Thor, Shark Week had come on, and Clint had pushed through their viewing of _Men in Tights_ and then sat there and forced them to watch bad shark movies. Thor had been both thoroughly delighted and amused at the hammerhead sharks, and, well, one thing led to another and a new nickname was born. And it turned out that if there was one thing that really caught the two blondes every time, it was those ridiculous B-rated movies. Tony had nearly given up on them right then.

“Then I am sure that Steve will bring it up.”

“Oh, I like that idea. _Two_ big, beautiful blondes waiting on me hand and foot? I think I can handle that pampering.”

Thor laughed, and silence settled over them for a heartbeat before Thor stood up, shed his pants, and before Tony could protest, got in the tub on the opposite end, picking up a foot and pressing his thumbs into the arch. Tony’s head hit the tub with a thunk as he felt the thumbs move, and a contented groan rumbled in the back of his throat as Thor started giving him a foot massage. Right about now, he wished he had installed the same kind of bathtub he had given Steve and Bruce as Christmas presents, where all they had to do was turn on the hot water and leave it running, the overflow going back into the tanks so that it wouldn’t waste water. Then he wouldn’t have to think about how the water was eventually going to get cold and those glorious fingers were going to have to stop if he wanted to stay warm. If only he took baths more frequently. His eyes fluttered closed, and he exhaled as heard Thor’s warm laughter again.

“I take it you enjoy this.”

Tony gave him an exaggerated moan as he massaged each of his toes, and then winked at him. “I know I normally only tell you this after you’ve milked me dry, but let me reiterate this now: you have fingers that are sinful.”

“Yes, well,” Thor responded, smirking, “I’ve done this many times.”

“I’m not even going to ask _who_ because all that matters is _me._ ”

Thor laughed again, and he shut his mouth to enjoy the foot massage, soaking in the hot water to let it warm him inside and out. This was a good end to a miserable experience.

“So,” came from the doorway, wry and amused, “I wasn’t aware I was being enslaved to feed Tony on top of making him a meal.”

Without missing a beat, Tony opened his mouth, letting his jaw hang as he tilted his head toward Steve.

“You do not have to do so. The water grows cold, and I will move him to the bed and feed him.”

He cracked open an eye and scowled. “Hey, I thought I was being waited on by two incredibly attractive, beefy blonde men, including my lover and the captain of our team.”

“Now, as honored as I am,” Steve drawled, adjusting the tray in his hands, “I’m not sure that _Thor_ \--”

“Buddy boy,” Tony interrupted as Thor set his foot down and rose to fetch a towel for them. “This is my house, my rules, and I’m telling you that if you want to earn your rent, you’ll sit your ass down on the bed and feed me while Thor uses his magic fingers to continue this wonderful massage.”

“And if I say no?”

“I hope you enjoy living in boxes for the rest of your life, Captain Homeless.”

“I don’t think America would let that happen.”

“I’ll make sure it happens.”

Steve hummed as Tony limply flipped the drain on the tub. “And what does Thor think?”

“I don’t even care because while you’re feeding me, he will be putting his incredible fingers to work on my feet and then cuddling me like the tiny child I am. And then we’ll go to sleep, and I’ll wake him up with a blowjob. Because I am all kinds of awesome.”

“Of course, Tony. Thor, what do you say?”

“Are you comfortable with this, Captain?”

“Well, I’ve certainly done stranger things.”

“Yes, but are you comfortable with it?”

Steve shrugged. “I won’t say I’m uncomfortable with it, though Clint might demand the favor in turn.”

Thor laughed as Tony stood up, and the god started drying him off with the towel, a second, fluffier one waiting nearby. “Well, I will gladly return the favor if he wishes--”

“Hey now, we’re discussing _me_ and _my pampering_ , and I did not invite any other little birdies into this conversation.”

Both of the blondes laughed, even as Tony yelped when Thor scooped him up and cradled him in his arms, carrying him out and setting him on the bed as he spoke. The god gave him a deep kiss, the only ones that could leave him breathless anymore, before he sat at his feet.

“I am sure you can relate to him, Captain,” the god said as Steve moved to the bed and sat near Tony’s head, “for as he put it, he nearly froze to death outside in the rain.”

“I see,” Steve said, even as Tony opened his mouth expectantly, earning an amused sigh.

He moaned around the mouthful of Shepherd’s Pie as Thor picked up his foot and started the massage.

“Should I play this footage for Clint, Captain Rogers?” JARVIS asked, and Tony could _hear_ the amusement in his AI’s voice. He loved his AI.

“If he asks,” Steve responded. “And make sure you show him Thor’s offer to return the favor.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Okay now, all attention on me now that that matter is settled,” Tony announced, holding his mouth open for another bite.

“This would be a world easier if I had chosen to make you fruit salad instead.”

Tony snorted. “But if you had, I wouldn’t be enjoying it quite as much as I’m enjoying this whatever it is.”

“Shepherd's Pie,” Steve droned, and Tony moaned loudly when Thor pressed his fingers into the bridge of his foot, drawing a laugh from the captain.

Silence settled in as Thor continued his massage, punctuated only by Tony’s groans and hums of approval. Thor eventually moved from his feet to his legs, then to his arms, and _damn_ if that didn’t feel wonderful to get a hand massage. It didn’t help that those wonderful fingers were followed by warm, light kisses, which left him feeling as if he were a god himself being worshipped. Thor certainly knew how to treat a man. This was blissful, and the kisses were a nice touch. Excellent touch. Each trailing kiss seemed to help him relax a little bit more, made those hands that were kneading his muscles seem a little bit stronger. It was there Steve took turns feeding Tony _and_ Thor when the god reached his arms and the two blonds sat across from each other, though Thor seemed much more grateful for the few bites, until the plate was emptied, and Steve stood.

“Do you need me to get more to feed you, Thor? Or am I free to go?”

Thor laughed warmly. “Nay. I shall be fine. Go and attend to Clint.”

“I’ll put the rest in the fridge for you.”

“Thank you, Captain.”

Tony didn’t even protest as he heard the man leave, sprawled out on the bed with his eyes closed and his body feeling like Jell-O. He didn’t say a word as Thor pulled him close to spoon, then turned slightly to accommodate for the feeling of the bones against the metal of the reactor. He had stopped sleeping on his sides since overseas. It was really uncomfortable. If he trusted anyone other than two soldiers, a god, an archer, an assassin, a CEO, a non-surgeon doctor, and a giant anger monster, he might have had the reactor removed, and his heart transplanted.

But that wasn’t going to happen.

“You are more relaxed than I have seen you in a long time, beloved.”

“I am so waking you up with the most amazing blowjob ever. I wonder if Clint ever does that for Steve. Because he probably doesn’t, and I get bragging rights _and_ Cap’s jealousy.”

Tony let Thor’s chuckle slide this once, jelly in his lover’s arms, before JARVIS came online. Thor was pressing kisses against every available stretch of skin he could reach with his lips. He loved those lips. They were almost as sinful as his fingers. They weren’t chapped, but they weren’t the softest, and Tony loved the feeling they left behind when Thor started kissing paths across his body.

“The Captain has asked me to inform you upon inquiry that Clint wakes him up with three fingers up his ass for a prostate massage before being allowed to fuck the archer senseless into their bed.”

Tony was silent for all of two seconds before, “It’s on, Clint. It’s on.”

Thor could only laugh. Perhaps he should warn the Captain that their mornings were about to get much more pleasurable.

**Author's Note:**

> This one was a lot of fun to write. So much fun to write. :D


End file.
